If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
