Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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