Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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