my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
