what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
