hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
