she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
