i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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