Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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