According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
