the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
