So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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