NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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