Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
worst night to have a conscience
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
