I can feel you judging me through the phone.
sarcasm needs its own font
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So many bounce houses so little time
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
