I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
