today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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