she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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