i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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