I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
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shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
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Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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