I think my fart just growled at me.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
