I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
