i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
