dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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