I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
