Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
