worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
