my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
