the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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