Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
