I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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