Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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