she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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