There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
