found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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