Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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