handjob tips. give me some.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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