dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
