it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Your penis caused this!
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