You're my little dorito
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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