You just made me feel so damn special
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
