i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
