Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
