Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize