hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
