Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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