They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
