I'm going to jail i love you
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
