Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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