the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
