I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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