I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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