I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
