Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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