The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
