I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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