they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
