Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
