I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
