you traded sex for a burrito?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
