this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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