I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
