okay pat passed out under dana's car
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
