I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
