I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize