I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
