After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
