all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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