I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
