That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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