it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
