Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
