i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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