sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
