My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
