You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
