Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
